"I don’t think people are meant to be by themselves. That’s why if you actually find someone you care about, It’s important to let go of the little things. Even if you can’t let go all the way. Because nothing sucks more then feeling all alone, no matter how many people are around"
You messaged me out of the blue.
I wasn’t looking for anyone,
In fact I was too busy running from someone else,
But I slowed down enough to reply
You slowly became my good morning text,
My drunken phone call,
My tearful FaceTime when work had wrung me out like a dirty tea towel,
And you were there,
Few days before my birthday and this deep set feeling of.. regret won’t seem to fade away. For most people life goes exactly as they planned it; school, work, graduating, moving on. But sometimes your plans go to shit and you realize with every passing year, your old dreams and goals change to something a little less glamorous, a little easier to achieve, a lot more different than you’ve wanted your whole life; for your “thought-out-amazing-future”.
It’s funny how birthdays can do that to you; make you stop and think of how little you’ve accomplished in the amount of time you’ve been alive. How many disappointments and letdowns you’ve experienced over and over.
It’s like watching yourself from a movie screen, going through the motions of everyday responsibilities and life, but not really living. Not really making choices or taking risks and opportunities that come your way. Just stuck in some kind of purgatory you put yourself in because of this fear of… What? Failure? And that moment you take a step back and see you’re comfortable with this pathetic mind set.. It’s time for a change, time for something drastic to snap me out of this rut and get me back on my feet for good, no more excuses.
SoCal, you’ve got nothing left to offer me and I have nothing left to take.